Eb Reviews Some VINTAGE~! TNA DVDs

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Eboney
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Eb Reviews Some VINTAGE~! TNA DVDs

Post by Eboney » Thu Jul 11, 2013 2:02 am

So, with a week worth of vacation, no life, and no money, I decided to post some reviews of the TNA DVDs I was suppose to send Braves but have been too lazy/busy to get over to ye UPS store to send to him. Read if you want. Or not. I gives no damns.

Just some general info:

- AMW, and AJ were my favorites
- I watched TNA from 2002 to early 2007
- No specific order
- lulz Elix Skipper's voice.

Let's begin! Up ffirst, Victory Road 2004

20 Man X-Division Gauntlet for the X Division Cup Trophy

This was pretty much "throw 20 guys in a 20 minute match just to get thing on the show." The increments are set to 1 minute a piece. Fun fact: My mom's favorite wrestler is Sonjay Dutt. Kaz starts the match with Dutt. They do stuff. Puma is out second. I'll be frank, I didn't know who much of these fucks are then, and almost 10 years later.. Still don't. More stuff. Mostly dropy on heady stuff. LA Park (La Parka {?}) is out with a chair and knocks everyone out. Mr. 630 Jarrell Clark is out. Things get flippy now. Some Jap with face paint it out now. Meomoto? Anywho, no eliminations so far. Clark botches a 630 flippy thingy from the top, but Kaz sells it anyway. Matt Bentley aka Michael Shane at the time is out. Clark and Puma get da boot.

Hector Garza is out next. I don't know what number he makes, but 5 people are still in. Check out some of Garza's Mexico stuff if you can. Anywho, another Jap with makeup. Stuff happens. Mikey Bats is out. Who? More dropkicks. Okay, Alex Shelly aka Baby Bear is out. So, an over the top rope match and Shelley does submissions? idk idk. Alex takes out Dutt btw. And Park gets the boot.

Matt Sydel comes in and Alex Shelley fakes an injury. Sonny Siaki is out and dumps one of the Japs. Garza chucks Bats over the top. Jason Cross is out and looks as generic as the other assholes so far. I love how Tenay and West don't care if these guys do stuff besides stuff. Da Sharky Boy is out. He just bite someone's ass. Shelley stops faking the injury and pulls Sydel out to the ring. A guy in a mask comes out and they don't even acknowledge him.

Bentley is almost dumped but Traci (easily the biggest person apart of this thingy) keeps him from being eliminated. D-Ray 3000 is out. Siaki ain't impressed and dumps Mr. Afro and Shark Boy. Amazing Red is in and Shelley is out. WHO IS THAT MASK ASSHOLE AND WHY DOESN'T HE GET A HAIRCUT. Oh, this has pasted the 20 minute part btw. Spanky is out. He looks as goofy as you would expect. Red looks like a 13 year old.

Sabin is finally out. I think he is the last guy. Sabin is a red head for some reason. Anywho, things get spotty. And Sabin really worked as the straight lace babyface of the X Division. Like really. Siaki is gone. 7 left. Bentley is out via Spankey doing shit. And a contrived spot with 4 people being simultaneously superplex. Cross is out. idk who he was. 6 people left. The masked guy with hair is out via Red kick to the face. Red is out via Kaz being Kaz. Sabin chucks Spanky 10 feet out of the ring. 3 people left. Sabin gets dropkick'd outta there by Garza.

Garza and Kaz are left. They are making a big deal about Kaz starting the match. Some stuff happens. They are trying to pin each other now. 30 min mark has been past.

Garza wins it via "missed high risked move, gets rolled up but reverses the roll up"

In TNA fashion, the celebration lasts 2 seconds before Tenay and West get face time. Garza cuts a promo in Espanol. Some dude translates. Okay.


2004 was an election here in America, wasn't it? That would explain why they did a gimmick in which fans would vote for the Director of Authority: Dusty Rhodes or Vince Russo. Scott Hudson needs to die.

Kid Nash, Hoyt, and the Naturals cut a promo about an 8 man tag. Not a good promo.

Lance Hoyt, Kid Kash, and the Naturals (Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas) vs Erik Watts [lol], "The Empire Saint" Pat Kennedy, Johnny B. Badd, Ron "The Truth" Killings

How in the hell did they pick these 8 guys? Kash and Kennedy start. As I wonder what the fuck is a "The Empire Saint" is, Tenay does a bad job explaining it. Meanwhile, Badd (formerly Sable's man bitch) and Douglas get tagged in. Watts is in only to get clipped by Stevens. Hoyt is in vs Watts. Hoyt goes down somehow and Kash gets the shit booted out of his face by Watts. Okay, too many quick tags that I care for. Before you know it, shit breaks down and Watts pulls a DH Smith by going off on the wrong guy and stopping in the middle of it to catch his breath.

Winner Killings and his guys via Killing taking mercy on us by keeping it short.

Shane Douglas threatens a limo driver for whatever reason. He said Kevin Nash. Video for Abyss being sweaty and breathing hard in a room some where. Following the short 8 man match is a match short men.

Piratita Morgan vs Mascaritas Sagrada

Piratita is dressed like a fucking pirate, and is obese; and the other dude looks like a mini-Sin Cara in his white get up. All you really need to know. The size difference is like a 5th grader picking on a kindergartener. The pirate pimp slaps dude to the mat and starts clubberin'. Some lucha flips as I am impressed that the obese pirate can keep up with Sin Cara lite. The pirate also has an eye patch. Fat boy with more slaps before a fat man splash. I think the lil kid is dead. A Hail Mary Mother of God prayer from the pirate and the ref... HE IS BACK FROM THE DEAD AND PISSED OFF~! Arm drags for everyone including the ref!

Sagrada wins via armdrag into a roll up thingy. Easily the best part of the first hour.


Promo from 3 Live Kru (3LK). DIE HUDSON ALONG WITH MY CARE!!

Back to the live crowd, Scott Hall is back. Scotty looks like a teddy bear wearing a track suit. Hall talks about being apart of the most famous ladder matches. Hall says Kevin Nash won't be here tonight. Scott closes with "May the best Jeff win."

Promo package for Team Canada vs 3LK

NWA World Tag Team Championship
Eric Young and Bobby Roode of Team Canada vs BG James and Konnan of 3LK


3LK is out. My care prolly is at none. Typical promo from James and Konnan. I hate Konnan. Roode and James start it off. If you like to watch good, southern style wrestling James is a good starting point. Young gets involved and makes a tag. BG with a flying cross body only for Young to duck and BG goes flying. Roode and D'Moore attacks. Young with a backbreaker. More basic double teams and quick tags from the Canadians. At the crowd is into the match? BG tries to mounth a comeback but a mid-ring collision takes Roode and BG down. Young is back in. The white maple leaf on Young's ass is distracting. Konnan tries to get a tag but the ref didn't see. D'Moore is distracting the ref. Konnan does NOTHING. What an arsehole of a part. Konnan finally gets the tag. Naturally this leads to Young and Roode bumping into space for him. I still hate Konnan. BG is back in somehow. BG goes for the pumphandle and D'Moore gets involved. Killings out and goes all "Nigga plz" on them. D'Moore runs and Roode blasts BG with a Northern lariat from behind. Tries to do it to Konnan but he wasn't having any of that shit.

3LK becomes the new champs via "who gives a shit about Konnan?"

After 5 seconds of celebration time, a video from Raven similar to Abyss's video earlier. But Raven is talking about nothing, I think. idk

Another video for that election thingy.

Back to the live crowd, Rowdy Roddy Piper is out. He looked pretty good ten years ago fyi. He is fucking smashed, but like TNA cares about morality. Piper talks about being a man and wants to bring out Jimmy Snuka. In Snuka fashion, it doesn't look like he knows where he is and why he got there. Piper talks about how Snuka is the original X-Division wrestler. Piper is begging Snuka to hit him with a coconut because he has felt guilty over the last 21 years. A guy remembering shit? This really is TNA. The entire time, Snuka is giving Piper the lazy eye.

Kid Kash is out for some reason. Yay insider terms. Kash tells Piper to step back and gets on Snuka for "just falling down" off a steel cage. Why is Kash out of breath? Kash tries to cheap shot Snuka and gets choked for it. Before Snuka could continue to whoop his ass, Kaz and Bentley are out to stop him. Piper tries to help but is too drunk to do anything. Sonjay Dutt is out to get some. Kash smashes Dutt with the coconut. Bentley and Kaz are shaming Kash for using the coconut.

On to the next thing.. A shitty Monty Brown promo. He claims Abyss has constipation problems. Isn't that a HIPAA violation?

Turning Point 2004 promo.

Promo for The NY Knockout Trinity. It is basically about how Trinity doesn't have any competition in TNA. The NY Connection (Trinity, Glenn Gilbertti and Johhny Swinger) comes and says no one wants some of Trinity. 3 more people giving 3 more bad promos. The guys pace Trinity on their shoulders.. AND OUT COMES JACKIE MOORE TO GO "OH HELL NO BIATCHES~!"

Trinity vs Jackie Moore

Jackie starts by pulling Trinity off the shoulders of whoever those guys are suppose to be.. BY THE HAIR. Jackie grabs a headlock on one of them and headscissors the other one at the same time. I think it was called the Supernova? idk Trinity charges and gets drop toe'd into a crotch. Trinity kicks the guy out of the ring. Jackie tries to toss her over the top rope, but Trinity lands on the apron. Jackie quickly dropkicks Trinity to a waiting Swinger and Gilbertti. But they catch her and try to carry her away. Jackie cross bodies from the apron to take all 3 of the NYers out.

Jackie tosses Trinity back into the ring only to get tripped from the outside by some guy. idk Trinity tries to take advantage but eventually has to sort to hair pulling. Diva-quese looking chops from Trinity. A kick to the gut sends Jackie to the ropes and Trinity catches her with a powerslam. Terrible looking kick from Trinity. Jackie with the come back right hands. RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX BY JACKIE~! Pin attempt is broken up with Gilbertti pulls Jackie to the outside. Jackie punches him off and starts some mounted punches on Trinity in a corner. Gilberttie tries again and gets punched again. Good times. Swinger doesn't fuck up tho as he manages to hang Jackie up on the ropes.

Trinity wins via woman-on-man violence and a moonsault


Triple X (Christoper Daniels and Elix Skipper) cut a rather shitty promo. "House cat?" "Cowpoke?" Da fuck. Also, imagine if Mike Tyson was gay. That is what Elix Skipper sounds like.

Another video for the 3 way between Abyss, Raven and Monty Brown. So, it's a Monster Ball match. Which means each guy is locked in a room somewhere, prolly somewhere nicer than the iMPACT! Zone, without food or whatever for 24 hours. Lol Monty Brown.

Monster's Ball
Raven vs Abyss vs Monty Brown


All three guys do some bad acting or something. Abyss starts off by dumping Raven on the side rail. While Raven winces, Abyss bounces Brown's face off the ring post. Like, damn there was a "clink" sound. Abyss goes after Ravens with trashcans. Monty wants some, so Abyss goes "Sure, dumbass." Back to Raven goes Abyss. Abyss with the double handed chokeslam on Raven onto some steps. Ouch. A fade away to a guy in an all blackrobe. Yup, Russo has been here. Back in the ring, Abyss hits a torture rack on Brown. Raven breaks up the pin. Raven and Brown try double team Abyss but he fights them off. Abyss works on Brown while Raven sets up furniture on the outside. Raven brings a chair in, but Abyss fights him off. Somehow Raven takes Abyss down and goes to work on Brown. idk idk

Raven sets up the chair in the middle of the ring and drop toes Abyss into it. Pin attempt to 2. Raven tries to do the same to Brown but Monty counters, grabs the chair and chucks it at Raven then at Abyss. Monty Brown is in charge with shitty rights to his foes. Couple of power moves to Raven. DDDDDAAAAAAA POOOOUNNNNNCCCCCEEE by Brown.. but to a ref. Poor Ref. Abyss charges at Brown but Brown catches him to a hit a power slam. He tries one more time to hit the Pounce on Abyss but it is countered and Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Brown. Abyss realizes the the ref is prolly dead. So he looks underneath the ring and finds his bag of 1000's of thumbtacks.

Why is the crowd chanting for Foley? Idiots. Abyss sets up Brown on a top turnbuckle. No one seems to know where Raven is right now. Abyss spreads the tacks in the ring. Monty sees them and tries to fight off Abyss. Superplex attempt.. It is fought off. Raven from NO WHERE comes in and powerbombs Abyss into the tacks! Naturally, they zoom into the tacks sticking into Abyss. Ouchies. Raven with the pin attempt, but the ref is still dead somewhere over the rainbow. So, another ref comes in to count. Abyss kicks out.

Raven and Abyss race to the outside to set up more furniture. Monty is still dazed from the ass kick Abyss gave him. Raven has a table leaning against the ropes. Raven pushes Abyss into the original table he set up.. AND MONTY WITH DDDAAAAA PPPPOOOOOUUUUNNNNCCEEEE! PERIOD on Raven.

Monty Brown wins via DDDAAAAA PPPPOOOOOUUUUNNNNCCEEEE! PERIOD

And they cut his celebration short so we can see Shane Douglas bitch at a limo driver. Okay.

Video package for the Victory Road FanFest

Promo by Petey Williams and Scott D'Moore. Please die Scott Hudson. Petey says he ain't losing his title to AJ Styles. D'Moore says that Petey wins or Petey is going back to Canadia.

Video package for AJ Styles vs Petey Williams. AJ is bouncy bouncy while Petey looks like a one trick pony. Err..

End of Disc One

Thoughts:

- The women's match was the best on the card thus far
- Go watch the minis match. You will thank me later.
- I hate Konnnan.


Start of Disc Two

X Division Championship
Petey Williams vs "The Phenomenal" A.J. Styles


The first of the three marquee matchups. Man, does Petey look small against A.J. Some fast paced roll ups and rasstlin' take downs to start the match. You bet yer arse the sequence ended with that dumb "wrestlers stop and stares while the crowd shows respect or whatever" spot. Tho I did like the first shot of the crowd is some kid looking bored as fuck as he golf claps. Back in the ring, chops are traded. More fast paced rasstlin' take downs are traded.

A dropkick to the mush of Petey sends him to the outside. A.J. trys something flippy, Petey moves, A.J. lands on his feet and kicks Petey's back for the hell of it. A.J. sends Petey to the guardrail and motions that he is gonna try a flippy flip again. A.J. hits the flippy flip thing he does in all of his matches. Scott D'Moore checks to see if Petey is still alive before A.J. sends him back into the ring.
Petey manages a jawbreaker. Petey tries to use the ropes to climb up, but A.J. has his legs and yanks him off. Petey lands on his feet and trips A.J. to the ropes. D'Moore pimps slaps A.J. btw. Petey puts A.J. in position for his "O' Canada!" spot. Which is a tree of woe while Petey stands on A.J.'s balls. Petey and A.J. exchange some rights before a pin attempt by A.J. More rights exchanged. A.J. is sent to the ropes, but fights off Petey. Petey tries the "O' Canada!" again, but A.J. counters into a German suplex. Damn Germans and their love of things painful. Ouch. Petey is up first as he charges at A.J., but A.J. sends him to the outside apron. Petey lands on his feet and before he could think, BAM! Pale by A.J. Petey rolls into the ring.

Both guys are on their knees trading elbows. A.J. starts going crazy with elbow shots and eventually hits a backdrop on the lil' Canadian. Petey no sells and sends A.J. to the outside again. Petey gloats as A.J. floats using the top rope and nails him with his signature elbow spot. Pin attempt by A.J. Petey counters some shit and somehow hits a Russian legsweep. Petey motions for his Canadian Destroyer. A.J. says nope and goes for the Styles Clash. Petey counters and A.J. slams him into the corner. A.J. goes for the Canadian Destroyer himself. Petey counters and A.J. counters into a pin attempt. D'Moore distracts the ref. Petey with the hockey stick with a Canadian flag. The ref stops Petey and goes to throws the flag out. While he is doing that, Petey nails again with his title belt. A.J. kicks out of the pin attempt. Petey goes for da Destroyer again but A.J. counters again and sends him to another corner. D'Moore hangs onto A.J. to keep him from doing who knows what. While the ref is bitching with D'Moore, Petey finally his the Candian Destroyer on A.J.

Winner and Still Champion Petey Williams via a stupid ref and the Canadian Destroyer

Jeff Hardy and Jeff Jarrett are show getting ready for their ladder match.

Video package for The Last Team Standing match between AMW and XXX. It's a shame TNA likes to pretend AMW didn't exist. :(


Okay.. The two main event matches are left. So far, it makes perfect sense to me why it has taken me almost a week to get through this show. Stay tuned for the rest of the show.. Or not. idc
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The Nikki Bella~! Special

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