Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

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Little Jimmy
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:01 am

I'd like to clarify that yes, I did indeed steal a tiny Domino's car to use for the delivery of "Jimmy's Pizzeria" pizzas. It's the economy, man. You try opening up a small pizzeria and competing with the big guys. They call and say, "hey, we want pizza delivered", we tell them we no offer that service, they say "alright, we call Domino's. Fuck you, bye", so we say fuck you too. After a while you get tired of saying fuck you too. What is the solution? Still no making money. Still no delivery. So we steal the fucking car, now we get our 5% of business and the fuck you is gone.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:46 am

Silence. That's SilentBob's entrance music.

Bob is out alone, the lovely Helen Mirren was apparently too busy winning prestigious awards and doing charity work to join him here tonight. That Helen is just such a classy lady.

"A lot of people think I'm defending Helen Mirren because of her hot gilf rack and because she's such an inspirational, attractive old gal. Those are worthwhile reasons but my admiration for Helen actually runs much deeper than that", Bob confesses.

Bob says he has been infatuated with Helen ever since he saw the movie "Hussy" back in 1980, when he was just a small boy. He would go on to follow her entire career. Admitting that his love for Helen became somewhat of an obsession early on in his youth, he claims he used to send countless letters begging that Helen adopt him as her child, feed him milk from her bosom and perhaps give him spankings from time to time. He sent the letters from the time he was a 10-year-old boy until only a few weeks ago when he finally got to meet her. Bob says some might find that creepy, but he didn't have a shrine and he wasn't a stalker, he just knew there was somethin' real special about Helen's rack. He was drawn to it.

Bob becomes emotional. He says that when he heard Evan and Judi running Helen down it struck a nerve with him. He can't eat. He can't sleep. He can hardly even find words but he still had to break his silence. His otherwise observant silence had turned to a silence of anxiety and depression, knowing that there are people out there with the audacity to speak about his beloved Helen in such a way that Evan O'Brien and Judi Dench have.

Evan and Judi can stir up all the drama they want, they can try to pin outrageous conspiracies on them and drop all the film titles they can name. At SassleMania II he's going to silence them once and for all. He will teach them to respect Helen Mirren.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by AndyF1069 » Tue Feb 23, 2016 1:39 pm

The lights go off, indicating the arrival of a new superstar. Oddly, no theme music is playing. Is SilentBob coming back out?

The lights are now shining on the new arrival. However, his face is covered by what seems to be a mask. As he stumbles down the ramp, a close up camera shot reveals that it is not a mask, it is a paper bag. What is going on here?

After tripping over the steel steps, the bagged superstar decides to very ungracefully climb onto the apron and enter the ring under the bottom rope. He makes it to his feet and then begins to struggle with removing the bag. After a tremendous effort, the bag is off and the superstar is revealed to be AndyF1069! He grabs a mic and begins to address the audience.

"Many of you have been wondering where I have been the last several weeks. To the surprise of nobody, Little Jimmy took it upon himself to ambush me in the showers after I addressed our match at Sasslemania and made him aware of a challenge I would be issuing. What he did to me is unspeakable, but once it was all said and done, he placed this bag on my head and told me that now I literally couldn't challenge my way out of of a wet paper bag and to enjoy my stay in the hospital.

Normally if a superstar is beaten into unconscious and a victim of deep, unspeakable internal injuries, they would be rushed to hospital. Little Jimmy didn't think I was worth the trouble and told PK to take me to hospital. I don't know why PK didn't take me, but when I was eventually found backstage by the cleaning lady, she told me he was busy writing a private message to somebody. I refused to leave the showers, not giving Little Jimmy the satisfaction of going to hospital. I also refused to remove this bag. Despite my injuries and lack of vision, I continued to train for my title defense at Sasslemania. With help from the cleaning lady who brought me snacks, I recovered and now is the perfect time to issue my challenge to Little Jimmy.

I am putting my European Sass-lippin championship of the world on the line, but what are you putting on the line? If I lose, I lose everything. If you lose, you go back to your office and continue to be The Authority. Do I really win if you don't lose anything? Therefore I want to add a stipulation to our match. Not only will the European Sass-lippin championship of the world be on the line, but each of our profile pictures will be up for grabs. The winner of the match gets to choose the profile picture for the loser at any time and as many times as they want, up to December 31st, 2016. If you win, not only do you take my cherished championship, but you also take my identity. The ball is in your court."

AndyF1069 is about to leave the ring, but he stops. He walks into the middle of the ring and looks at the paper bag he was still holding. He stares at it for several seconds before ripping it into shreds, throwing the remains on the floor and then dropping an elbow on them. He then leaves the ring, as his Snow Patrol theme music begins to play.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Tue Feb 23, 2016 4:59 pm

Time for another edition of "SassleMania Drama" w/Jama

Jama welcomes us to the hottest show on the SassleMania network, pertinently titled "SassleMania Drama" w/Jama -- Where all sorts of drama and chaos can ensue.

You never know what kind of drama to expect during SassleMania season, be it shocking revelations; threats; violence; controversy; manifestos; blackmail; mass animal slaughter or kidnapping. The only thing for certain is that Jama is here to host it all. So, what should we expect tonight?

-Jama's guest is Little Jimmy

-Jama welcomes Jimmy and asks him if he's aware that AndyF1069 recently challenged him to add a stipulation to their match at SassleMania II. Unfortunately Andy has already flown home to care for his sick mother. The crowd goes "AWW" in a "how sweet" sort of way. Weird audience tonight, looks like we're at ABC studios.

-Jimmy thanks Jama for having him and asks him if he has some sort of a freakin' problem with him. Jama doesn't respond. Jimmy eventually moves on and starts talking about Andy...

-Jimmy cuts into a lengthy promo

...Andy, I read your little challenge and your false accusations that I assaulted you following your initial promo. I would never do such a thing to anyone on the SassleMania roster, let alone my own opponent. You're a liar.

Anyway, I hear you want a little stipulation added to our match so you can feel like you have something to gain from winning. Well.

Do you know how insulted I am to hear you say that, kid? There it is, right there. It's all gone to your head, all the sudden success has turned to greed. Do you seriously believe that you would have nothing to gain by defeating me, the top act on WV forums by a landslide; the founder of SassleMania? Do you have any freakin' idea who I am? Paul Nemer may own WV Forums, but I made SassleMania. I'm the man around here.

I saw this coming with you, though. I suppose next you'll want a Sass in a Cell match and to add The Undertaker to it. You're just a silly-nilly, that's all. You don't know fantasy booking, you deserve a wet paper bag over your freakin' head. You just aren't in my league. Who are you to try and add a stipulation to MY match? You don't get the right to challenge someone like me. You're extremely lucky to have the opportunity that you currently have.

If I wanted the World Heavyweight Sass-Lippin' Championship, I'd just pluck the thing from LC and declare it to myself. That's the kind of power I have. Any title I want, anytime. I could make my own title, hell I could make 16 more freakin' titles and carry them all. That's the power you're up against. Having a match with someone like that isn't enough for you? Winning that match could turn you into an instant main event act.

I wonder if you even still have the European Sass-lippin' Championship, or did one of your pregnant relatives steal it on you?

Maybe that's why you want the stipulation.

Anyway, normally I would laugh in your face and just say no, but unfortunately for you I have a very good track record defending my profile space, 2-0 to be precise. That is kind of my specialty. You don't deserve it, but at least it will provide me an opportunity to make an even bigger mockery out of you, after I make a mockery out of you. It's on, fella.

-The crowd starts flipping out and pointing but Jimmy just stands their and looks like he's going to say something else
Spoiler: show
~OH MAH GOD, ANDYF1069 IS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND LITTLE JIMMY!!! HE DIDN'T FLY HOME AT ALL!
-Andy spins Jimmy around by surprise and takes him down with the European Sass-lippin' title belt, then proceeds to put him in a Figure-Four SassLock. Jimmy is desperately tapping out to no avail. There's not even a ref, folks.

The show goes off the air and Andy still has Jimmy locked in the submission.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Thu Feb 25, 2016 3:06 pm

Damn, Jimmy jobbed himself the fuck out. Way to build up Andy as a threat
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by eobversion1 » Sat Feb 27, 2016 8:26 am

A loud noise is heard.

A large number of men in uniform appear

The ramp and Titantron are dismantled

Another large group of people appear

They seem to be hauling a massive and heavy object behind them

It appears to be a large river boat

Evan emerges from backstage

Directing the men driving them on towards the centre of the arena

Evan takes the mic and begins to speak

“People with real integrity suffer for their art”

“Tonight is an act of defiance against Bob and Jimmy”

“A monumental achievement”

Evan has his men one of whom a former agent of Bob set off the fire alarm

The sprinklers are trigger

Water pours from the ceiling destroying the lighting and ring equipment

The men dismantle the ring, discard its contents and the ring barriers

Evan urges the men forward

The area where the ring would be now an empty space waiting for the boats arrival

The few remaining members of the crowd seem very disgruntled

The boat is now in the centre of the arena

Evan climbs to the very top, he is now in the captain’s position

He shouts so that everyone can hear it “Witness the manifestation of vision”

“I have rechristened this federation”

“We are now free from the oppression of that liar Bob”

“This is the promised land, follow me, join me and witness the coronation of a golden age at Sasslemania”

The show goes off the air with only one camera seeming to have survived the water damage.

P.S. The arena manager is furious, with all the water damage it’ll take months to bring it up to proper Health and Safety regulations again.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Sat Feb 27, 2016 9:44 am

I...

I don't even know what to say.

I never would have expected such wanton destruction of property from you, Evan
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Sat Feb 27, 2016 10:15 am

It's s uncharacteristic for an Irishman to destroy property in a rebellious outburst like that.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:31 am

SCXiao is out to a lackluster reaction.

SCXiao has been quietly following the SassleMania II build, though at this point he's become frustrated as to why he still hasn't been given a spot in the Sass Chamber match. Considering his history of upsetting isrs4life, resulting in public outbursts and sometimes even the dreaded quadruple-post drivels -- The kind you get after you eat at Taco Bell. He's not a fan of Red's either, he's offended that some "pizza delivery boy" got cherry picked over him for a spot in the match.

He goes on to call out the broader establishment, meaning the fellowship and the counting game, which he doesn't partake in. He says it's all those guys that get the big spots and little guys like him never get a real chance. It's unfair and SassleMania should prominently feature all WV Forums members.

-GM Little Jimmy is out

Jimmy: "You got a freakin' problem with me, SCXiao? I was on the shitter and I heard you were out here rambling on about something."

SCXiao: "I think I've made it pretty clear that yes, I do. I guess you weren't listening. "

-Jimmy doesn't realize there's toilet paper on his foot

Jimmy: "You've got some sorta freakin' problem with me, do ya? WELL HOW ABOUT I FORCE YOU TO COMPETE IN THE SASS CHAMBER?!?!

-Jimmy has a sinister look on his face

SCXiao: "Oh no, please? Don't put me in the Sass Chamber match. That would be just awful. I'd hate that opportunity. "

Jimmy: "THAT'S IT, FELLA. AT SASSLEMANIA II, YOU'RE IN THE FREAKIN' SASS CHAMBER. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH LITTLE JIMMY? I BET YOU'LL THINK TWICE, NEXT TIME.

SCXiao is now officially in the Sass Chamber match at SassleMania II, much to his chargin.

Three spots still remain.

The segment ends.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Fri Mar 04, 2016 1:42 am

LondonChick62 is at the rink teaching the local kids how to skate.

-McNeish Inc. show up

Greg compliments LC on being so good with the kids but says he is the one that should be teaching them to skate. Not only is he a better skater but he's also better with a hockey stick.

Goob and Slim consult with Greg about this as they remind him they may not have his back here. Everyone knows there's only like one black hockey player. Greg tells them to just look at it like basketball on ice. Not to worry, anyway. Tonight he has his angels with him. Some of Greg's co-workers are shown watching on, one of them looks pregnant and has a black eye.

Greg says he is doing this one for his angels, he asks for a hockey stick to use for additional pizzazz while he performs his figure skating routine to demonstrate. LC offers her's just because she has to see this.

Music begins playing and Greg sets up like he is about to execute some glamorous figure skating display with the hockey stick as a prop, but he instead turns around and mercilessly cracks LC right over the skull with it!

LC is knocked out face down on the ice with a pool of blood forming around her head. She took a pretty bad hit.

Greg attempts to break the hockey stick over his knee but ends up slipping on the ice with his skates on. He then throws it out of the rink to Slim and Goob who also attempt to break it without success.

-The unbroken stick is shown a short while later

-An ambulance arrives to pick up a groggy but semi-responsive LondonChick62 and take her to a local hospital
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Fri Mar 04, 2016 7:58 am

Never trust a Canadian with a hockey stick that will punch a pregnant woman
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:56 am

FOR MY ANGELS

o7
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:15 pm

-stonecoldnimrod is seen active on the forum authoring the official 2016 WWE Roadblock discussion thread

-How thoughtful of him.

A short while later a furious albeit sobbing isrs4life comes bursting in GM Little Jimmy's office, he has what appears to be dried pizza all over his face. I guess he's pretty upset that nimrod started that topic, we all know that the PPV discussion threads are a tradition of his. To mess with that is defying nature.

isrs4life drops a few "F" bombs, followed by a highly inappropriate "N" bomb and says he wants to make stonecoldnimrod "bitch that" at SassleMania II, as he begs Jimmy to put the son of a bitch in the match. He'll teach that sass pit to steal his self-appointed forum responsibilities.

Jimmy tells isrs to ease up a little bit and suggests that maybe it's a good thing other people are contributing on WV.

- isrs is hearing none of it

Jimmy then reminds him that the match at SassleMania is inside the Sass Chamber and it's not going to be only those two in a singles match. He needs to consider that his sole aggression towards nimrod could cost him the match, it could be of significant benefit to one or all of the other participants in the match; it's just not a healthy dynamic for a match inside the wretched Sass Chamber, not at all.

isrs claims that he wants to lock nimrod inside one of the sass pods with him and traumatize him, the way he was traumatized when he realized that somebody had stolen a topical responsibility of his. Maybe he was a little late, but it still doesn't give nimrod the right. He doesn't care how many other people are in the match. They're all nobodies and he's the champ.

"Ah, none of the terminally ill Make-a-Wish kids ever ask to meet "Bo Dallas", they all want to meet John Cena. Kind of like nobody wants to see stonecoldnimrod start an official WWE PPV discussion thread on WV, they all want isrs4life to start that topic.", concludes isrs.

-Jimmy is sold on this, that makes stonecoldnimrod official for the match

-Only two spots remain inside the Sass Chamber
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Jama7301 » Mon Mar 07, 2016 11:33 pm

Jama is seen at local hospital, attempting to report on LondonChick62's condition. Unfortunately, the Doctors are unwilling to comment on her condition at this time. Jama tries to daks the doctor if she'll be ready in time for SassleMania, but gets ushered away by LC's lawyers, saying that a statement will be made, and that action will be taken against McNeish Inc.

Jama signs off, as he and the camera man are escorted out of the hospital.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:26 am

Paul Nemer is seen mingling with several other professionals at an award gala. It looks like he's being recognized by the International Web Association for his outstanding work as a webmaster.

For nearly twenty years Mr. Nemer has headed WrestleView.com, a popular pro-wrestling website that covers trustworthy and reliable news relevant to the industry. A rare commodity in the digital age of Facebook, YouTube and Twitter, where just about anyone can share news on the internet. Paul has shown the kind of dedication and commitment it takes to be a successful webmaster and to keep his visitors coming back to WrestleView as their #1 source of pro-wrestling news.

-Mark Zuckerberg, Sundar Pichai and several other Webmasters and CEOs are seen applauding as Paul takes the stage to accept his award

"Thank you all for this tremendous honor. To think it was nearly 20 years ago when I had this vision to start a wrestling news website, everyone thought I was crazy. I believed in WrestleView. Over the years we've had many great journalists come and go, many great writers and editors who have helped shape WrestleView.com, work which has kick-started many of their careers onto bigger and better things. I am responsible for all of that, which is why I deserve this award.", Paul says in his acceptance speech.

"WHAT ABOUT WRESTLEVIEW FORUMS?"

-A disgruntled man with a megaphone is seen in the crowd. It's El Canuck.

"What about WrestleView Forums? Shouldn't you receive an honor for the forum, too?", asks Nucks.

Several attendees at the award show are seen Googling WrestleView Forums as the number of guests online skyrockets. Moments later many of the same guests look to be horrified by what they're seeing, they don't even bother to register.

"Now, you guys know how great of a webmaster Paul Nemer truly is. Look at the beautiful forum template. Paul used a Modern Warfare 2 theme because the abbreviation "MW2" slightly resembles "WV", he was too cheap to buy a new theme for his own brand but he wanted to make it look like he has one -- Don't worry though, there's a wide selection of other themes to choose from -- Oh, wait, no there isn't! Notice all the requests for Paul's activity and all the times he responded. Forum members have started more than one thread about maintenance issues to which Paul has hardly even acknowledged.", says Nucks.

-Nucks continues to run down a comprehensive list of forum blunders that have taken place over the years

"I'm sorry that I've interrupted this event here tonight, I promise you all this won't take very much longer. It's important to me that you all know the REAL Paul Nemer. You need to know the full story. All of you have Paul Nemer pegged as a dedicated and innovative webmaster. What you don't realize is that Paul hides behind a plethora of talented journalists and editors who do all the work for him and all he ever reports about his Bret Hart. The man you are honoring is a thoughtless, lazy, abusive coward who steals all the credit for other people's work and doesn't participate in or promote his own forum."

"Paul did have one innovative idea for his site, that was called "WrestleView VIP" -- A subscription service to charge users a fee for content that was previously offered for free. WrestleView VIP is no longer in existence, it was a complete failure. That was Paul's biggest contribution to WV in over a decade."

-A video highlight of the assault Nucks was subjected to at the hands of Paul and T&T security a few weeks back is shown on the big screen

"This is the man you have chosen to recognize."

Paul, who is still on the award podium attempts to defend himself but the people in attendance have become insulted by his mere presence. Many of those people are extraordinary webmasters who demonstrate the qualifications required to receive such a prestigious award. People begin booing loudly and throwing cups and various other things on stage at Paul.

The webmaster of "Anvils.com" throws a giant anvil shaped trophy he received earlier in the night and it hits Paul right in the head, knocking him off his feet.

Nemer is quickly escorted out of the building to a nearby getaway vehicle by T&T security. It looks like he forgot his award trophy on stage. Mark Zuckerberg hops on stage and proceeds to pull down his pants and defecate on it.

-The show goes off the air
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Wed Mar 09, 2016 1:08 pm

Shit sure has gotten real.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by eobversion1 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 3:44 pm

Little Jimmy wrote:Paul used a Modern Warfare 2 theme because the abbreviation "MW2" slightly resembles "WV"
I genuinely never knew that, I never wondered what that meant. Probably not much of anything I figured on some subconscious level. Now I'll never look at it the same way again.

Jimmy, as informative as he is devious.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Wed Mar 09, 2016 4:38 pm

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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Wed Mar 09, 2016 6:39 pm

Slim and Goober sit on a couch with two tv screens: One showing Bernie Sanders winning the Michigan primary and the other running the various Sasslemania promos/segments on loop:

Goob: So you "Feelin' the Bern yet, slim?"
Slim: Sure am. Never thought I'd root for an old Jewish dude to be president, but everyone else sucks
Goob: Kinda like our competition at Sasslemania
Slim (throwing popcorn at the Sasslemania screen): Boooooooo. Who are we even facing for the Tag Team titles?
Goob (shrugging shoulders): I'm pretty sure they forfeited because nobody's heard anything out of them in forever. And stop wasting perfectly good popcorn
Slim: It doesn't really matter anyway, we'll sass them into next week, just like Greg did LC with her own hockey stick
(both men chortle until Goober chokes on his own breath)
Goob (still coughing): Chick had it coming, just like she will at Sasslemania, when we walk away with all the gold that matters. For the glory of the Queen, long live the Grand Chancellor
Slim (getting nervous): You sure do take this stuff seriously
Goob: If you knew what I knew about what happens at the corporate offices, you'd never sleep again, so be glad I'm the one that takes it seriously. Or Greg will find one of your pregnant relatives and punch her
Slim (falling in line): Let's let Greg take all his domestic violence urges out on LC at Sasslemania
Goob: And how...now lets Feel the Bern some more

/fade out
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by AndyF1069 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 6:58 pm

Little Jimmy is in his office attempting to set up his X-Box 360 and grumbling about it not having Angry Birds to play. In his confusion, he accidentally launches the pre included Youtube app. In his recommended viewing is a video titled "Hidden Camera Shower Footage". Intrigued, Little Jimmy opens it. To his dismay, he sees himself brutally assaulting AndyF1069, confirming his claims. "Stop X-Box!". "Close Youtube X-Box!". Unaware that his X-Box is last generation and does not come with the voice commands of the newest models. Whilst frantically attempting to turn off the footage before somebody sees it, despite it having millions of views, AndyF1069 assaults him from behind with the X-Box gamepad. Dazed, confused and bleeding profusely from the impact of the gamepad, Jimmy desperately attempts to command his X-Box to aid him. "X-Box attack!". "X-Box defend me!". "Angry Birds save me!" but it was all to no avail. AndyF1069 puts Little Jimmy into the Figure-Four SassLock next to the X-Box 360, leaving Jimmy desperately tapping out on top of the now broken console before passing out in a pool of his own blood. AndyF1069 places a paper bag on Little Jimmy's head, places the European Sass-Lippin' championship of the world on his own shoulder and leaves the office. Turns out he really didn't have anything to say to Little Jimmy.
"My favourite spot is the one where I would pick him up for an aeroplane spin and rotate as many times as possible. He’d be so dizzy that he would try to pin the referee, and I’d count to three and he’d think that he won - Daniel Bryan

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