ZEN – Way of the Dreamer
Saturday, Week 2, January 2013
The ZEN Temple in rainy New Zealand
I settle into the third place at the commentary table and put on my headset. The lights come up, and Sparky Sparks enthusiastically starts.
ZEN Conceptual Championship
Sparks: Hello and welcome to ZEN… WAY. OF. THE. DREEEEAAAMEEER. First things first tonight, we’d like to extend our congratulations to last month’s “Where’s Shaolin?” challenge, Marty J. Marty will be receiving a Shaolin mask, as well as two tickets to our next ZEN show, ZEN: Way of the Scholar. Remember, to participate in our monthly “Where’s Shaolin?” keep your eyes peeled during tonight’s show, and find out where the Sneaky Shinobi is hiding. The first fan to call our ZEN hotlines will win this month’s fabulous prize: ZEN: The Art of Comics #1, as well as two tickets for an upcoming ZEN show.
Tonight’s main event will be for the ZEN Master Championship, where the champion, the ghastly Necromancer, representing F.E.A.R., will be defending against the Carnivorous Clownfish, Devilfish, in what should be an exciting, high-flying affair.
Alex Arturro cuts in “Sparky, baby, don’t sell this next match short, because we’ve got the challenger for the grooviest of prizes, the ZEN Conceptual Championship, in the ring right now.
Sparks: Right you are Alex. Tonight, challenging the champion, Pumpkin Jack is Pink Spider! Can the Aggravating Arachnid win their first championship?
Pumpkin Jack (c) vs Pink Spider
I tried to focus on the match, but the two tablemates in my ear weren’t helping. Sparky’s excitable voice kept snapping me out of my reverie. Alex nudges me, and I’m asked a question on commentary. I did not sign up for this.
Sparks: So, what do you think of the action tonight? Pretty wild, huh?
Me: Uh, yeah. Pumpkin Jack is looking good out there.
Sparks: That he is. And folks, that voice you just heard was the voice of our newest colleague, and entrant into the ZEN Dojo, Brandon King. That’s right, we’ve got someone who’s the total package. Commentary, wrestling, and later tonight, he’ll be interviewing the House of Trancendance. WOW What an Armdrag by Pumpkin Jack!
The match continues on, as my heart starts to race. Nobody told me that I was going to be doing an interview tonight. Not Ms. Grindstaff, not Halloween Knight, not even Sparky. What am I going to do? I don’t even have a script. What am I g- My thoughts are cut off by a loud crack, as Pumpkin Jack hits a huge running corner big boot, and follows it immediately with an STO, hooking both legs, and getting the pinfall.
Sparks: WOW! What a thunderous Orange Bowl from Pumpkin Jack, as he retains the Conceptual Title here tonight.
Arturro: Pink Spider was game tonight, but he just couldn’t hang with the coolest cat in the pumpkin patch, Pumpkin Jack, dig?
Down at ringside, Pumpkin Jack appears to be taking something delicately from a ringside worker, and holding… nothing aloft. What’s he doing? And now he has a pillowcase? Where’d he get that? Under the ring? Is he… he’s trick or treating around the ringside area… and the people have candy. How… Why… And hey’s passing them something invisible? What the…
Ooooh… THAT’S the Conceptual Title.
WHAT?!? ZEN has an invisible Championship?! Wha-… How th-… WHY?!
I look at the shared monitor to see a prepared video. It starts off with Toady at some location, spraypainting his name on a wall. As he notice the camera there, he turns and cackles, tossing the spray paint can at the camera man. The video then cuts to HalloWarped in front of a blue, techy looking wall. HalloWarped says that you’ve experienced nightmares in the past, and in the present. What you’re looking at, is the nightmare of the future. The screen then cuts to The Knights Temple of Killer B and SubUrban Legend. Legend asks for a beat, and B obliges. SubUrban gives a quick rap. “Say hello to the Temple, with the Legend and the B, The dopest tag team that you ever will see. Take a spin, go a round, take a trip with me. We’ll leave you on the mat for the 1, 2, 3.” We then cut one more time to see Blue Flea spraying over Toady’s tag, but as he’s spraying, we see Shaolin come straight up from the bottom of the frame holding a sign (blocking our view of Blue Flea) saying “Remember, keep an eye out for today’s “Where’s Shaolin challenge. Where will I show up?”
8 Man Tag Team Match
Blue Flea, Shaolin & The Knight Temple (SubUrban Legend and Killer B) vs The House of Transcendence (Mirror Universe John Gordon & Damien Dastardly w/ Guru Vishni), HalloWarped & Toady
As I watch this match, it’s becoming more and more apparently how rough the ZEN Temple crowd can be on you if you’re not up to snuff. I really feel for Blue Flea, because whenever he’s out there, the crowd is extra critical of his mistakes. Will they be this vicious to me, when I step into the ring? The match ends when HalloWarped hits his Shining Wizard, dubbed Warp Speed, and he picks up the win for his team.
Arturro: And that’s why HalloWarped is out of this world! Here’s the skinny, HalloWarped is heading for big things, and with Halloween Knight as his mentor, there ain’t Jack Squat anyone can do to stop him.
Sparks: You may be right, but for now, let’s head down to the ring where our own Brandon King has three members of the winning team, the House of Transcendence.
Me: So, Damien Dastardly and John Gordon…
Guru Vishni: Mirror Universe… John Gordon stands before you… Remember his name.
Damn… Made a mistake already…
Me: My mistake. Mirror Universe John Gordon. You guys got a big win tonight. Do you feel like this brings you one step closer to a tag team title shot?
Guru Vishni: We have our own plans… It will transcend space and time… We bid you farewell.
What is he talking ab- And suddenly, a sharp pain rocks my stomach, as Guru Vishni delivers a low blow, as Damien Dastardly cackles, and Mirror Universe John Gordon glowers at me… what a bunch of dicks.
I’m helped to the back by Blue Flea, and I miss the next match. I can still hear Sparky Sparks and Alex Arturro on commentary, calling the ZEN Harmony Championship match, between the champions of X-War, of X-Calibre and Man O’War, against Jester and the Clown with Attitude. By the time I’m able to gain my composure and return to the table, the match is over, and X-War are celebrating their title defense with the crowd.
As I sit down, we’re treated to another video; this time, featuring the ZEN Master Champion, Necromancer. “Death” he starts, lingering on the tail end of the word. “Death conquers all. All except me. I know the secret. I am so close. So so close. And this..” He holds up the Master Championship, “is the key. This will unlock door to unlife. The end is near.”
ZEN Master Championship
Sparks: Creepy stuff from Necromancer. What do you think he means by “the secret”, Alex?
Arturro: I am clueless, Sparky. Necromancer got me stumped!
Sparks: Maybe some light will be shed, here in our MAIN EVENT! The ZEN Master Championship is on the line, as the Champion, representing the Four Extreme Agents of the Revolution, Necromancer faces off against the challenger, Devilfish.
Arturro: This is going to be off the chain. Devilfish is one cool customer, and will bring the heat to the Champ, but Necromancer has an ace or three up his sleeve, with the rest of F.E.A.R waiting in the wings.
Sparks: Right you are, but for now, we’ll just have to head down to the ring, and see what happens.
Devilfish vs Necromancer (c)
As this match goes on, I stare in stunned silence. If THIS is what ZEN is all about, not the silly little invisible title, not the goofy children’s game of hide and go seek, but this display of high flying and technical wizardr-… oh, Devilfish just went under the ring, and popped out of the other side with water… and threw it on Necromancer. C’mon guys… this is the main event.
Sparks: SPLASH ATTACK! Devilfish has the champ on the ropes now! Pinning combination, and a kickout at two.
Arturro: He dillydallied a little too much to the pin. I’ve seen him put fools away with that one before. He’s gonna have to stay sharp to capture the title.
What. Are these guys serious? Necromancer delivers a hellacious Cutter to Devilfish, and lets out a guttural scream, and the lights go out.
Sparks: DEATH SCREAM! DEATH SCREAM!
Arturro: This match is as good as over, ain’t nobody kicked out of this.
The lights turn on, and we see Halloween Knight, Cyanide, and Massacre putting the boots to Devilfish.
Sparks: The Death Scream is such a devastating maneuver! It possesses the minds of the other members of F.E.A.R, and they act on Necromancer’s will!
Arturro: It’s that voodoo, that he do, so well.
Necromancer covers Devilfish, after what should have been a blatant DQ, and the ref counts the pinfall.
Sparks: AND NECROMANCER RETAINS THE ZEN MASTER CHAMPIONSHIP!
Arturro: But what does it mean for those plans he was mentioning earlier? I’m getting some bad vibes…
Sparks: We’ll find out next time, on ZEN: The Art of Wrestling! Thank you for joining us here, at ZEN: Way of the Dreamer.
Code: Select all
Sparks Hypes Main Event - E (Damn, forgot to enable numbers for shows.)
Pumpkin Jack def Pink Spider to retain the ZEN Conceptual Title – E+
Trick Or Treating with Pumpkin Jack – E
Undercard Introductions – E
HalloWarped, HoT & Toady def. Knight Temple, Shaolin & Blue Flea - E+
King Interviews the HoT – E+
X-War def Jester & C-W-A to retain the ZEN Harmony Title – D-
Necromancer – D+
Necromancer def Devilfish to retain the ZEN Master Title – D
F.E.A.R. Stands Tall over Devilfish – D-
Show Score – D-
What a night. I’m beat, sore, and confused. And to make matters worse, I had to deal with some people leaving anonymous notes about Vertigo’s behavior. I tried to tell him his behavior was unacceptable, but he just blew me off. Oh well. The crowd seemed to like it. Maybe once I get my bearings, we can sort out some of the silliness, and become a real wrestling company. For now, I think I’ll catch the end of NOTBPW’s Big City Brawl. I hope I make it in time for the main event of Sean McFly vs Steve Decolt. Should be a classic.