Not funny enough for it's own thread

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Dr_Vicious
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Not funny enough for it's own thread

Post by Dr_Vicious » Wed Aug 31, 2005 8:51 pm

couldnt find one to put it in:


BERLIN (Reuters) - German police called to a break-in at an apartment in the northern town of Itzstedt found the intruder still on the premises and hiding under a kitchen cabinet.
The "cat burglar" had somehow crawled into the ground-floor of the apartment, broken window blinds, torn down drapes and trashed furniture.

Police also found fish and fish remains from a broken aquarium scattered around the apartment, said Julika Reinhardt, spokesman for the police in the town north of Hamburg.

Two officers finally found the offender, a cat, hiding under a kitchen cabinet but the heavyweight male resisted arrest, biting one officer in the thumb before they both managed to overpower it.

Reinhardt said the cat, wearing a name tag, was returned to its owner who would have to pay for the damage.

"No one knows how the cat broke in," she said. "But the damage was considerable."

True story 8)

Sorry edited that long title
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YTQ
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Post by YTQ » Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:02 am

Gee.....after reading the title I thought it would be about H4L..........
Jeff Jarrett never drew a dime....

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Post by Davo » Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:26 am

^^^mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbuuuuurrrrrnnnnn.

Actually, if that were the case than the title would simply read "Not Funny".
Only jerkoffs quote me in their sig.

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Dr_Vicious
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Post by Dr_Vicious » Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:56 pm

I knew you guys would like my story.

Where's LC, she likes a good pussy story.
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Dr_Vicious
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Post by Dr_Vicious » Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:19 pm

Here's another one:

Cananda and Denmark at WAR!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4175446.stm
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YTQ
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Post by YTQ » Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:05 pm

Damn those Danes...we'll get em!
Jeff Jarrett never drew a dime....

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YTQ
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Post by YTQ » Sat Sep 03, 2005 9:37 am

^^^^^^^^^^^

Yup...he also doubles as the minister of Beer and hockey.....


And we don't have just 2 ships.........

We have 3.
Jeff Jarrett never drew a dime....

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Dr_Vicious
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Post by Dr_Vicious » Fri Sep 30, 2005 3:04 am

President Bush was visiting a primary school and dropped in on one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."


A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not!," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a
tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a little boy named "Greg" raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Greg, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."
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Cobra_R
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Post by Cobra_R » Fri Sep 30, 2005 3:27 am

HAHA. That was funny and i'm a republican.
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The Professional
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Post by The Professional » Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:04 pm

Dr_Vicious wrote:"Well," says Greg, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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foleyisgood wrote:^^Aha, I see you've returned to spread peace and love throughout the forums!
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Dr_Vicious
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Post by Dr_Vicious » Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:23 pm

A long time ago, during one of the many wars between Britain and France, the French captured an English Major. Taking him to their headquarters, the French General began to question him.

The French General asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his quiet English way, the Major informed the General that the reason
English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood
won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

This little-known historic fact clearly explains why, from that day until
now, all French Army Officers wear brown pants.

:)
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Dr_Vicious
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Post by Dr_Vicious » Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:36 pm

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light
bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs
to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret
stockpile of light bulbs;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor,
standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting
in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush
has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a light bulb and screwing the country:

Nothing is wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day.

Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media.

That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.
8)
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RatedRSuperstar
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Post by RatedRSuperstar » Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:39 pm

Since we're all telling jokes now, here's a dirty one:

There was a couple that had been married for several years. Every time they had sex, the husband would turn off all the lights and ask his wife to put a pillow over her head. One night, she took the pillow off and saw her husband using a dildo on her. "You've been using a dildo on me all these years? I want an explination!" his angry wife yelled. He replied, "I'll explain that later; first you explain the children."
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Cool people vote in the Best of the Best Tournament on the Member Games forum, I hear.

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strawshake
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Post by strawshake » Fri Oct 07, 2005 4:37 pm

A businessman was going on a trip, but wanted to make sure that his ultra hot, ultra horny wife would not run out on him, so he went to the local adults-only shop and asked the shopkeeper for recommendations.

"I have just the thing for you," said the shopkeeper, and he pulled out a plain brown box. He opened the box to reveal a regular-sized, unremarkable dildo.

"But that's just a regular dildo," said the businessman.

"No, it's a magic dildo; its name is Dildo Penis," said the shopkeeper. "All you have to do is say 'Dildo Penis,' then the place where you want it to go, and it will give you the best sexual experience of your life."

"Well, I'll give it a shot," said the businessman. He paid for it and went back home.

He gave Dildo Penis to his wife and explained it to her. She was skeptical, but decided to give it a shot if she needed it. The man then went on his business trip.

A few days later, the lady got really horny, and decided to give Dildo Penis a go. She opened the box, and said "Dildo Penis, my vagina." As if by magic, Dildo Penis rose from the box and began pleasuring the woman like she'd never been pleasured before. She had several orgasms, and wanted to stop when she realized her husband had never told her how to stop Dildo Penis. Frantic, she decided to go to the emergency room. In the car on the way, she experienced a mind-blowing orgasm and temporarily drove off of the road, which prompted a police officer to stop her.

"Ma'am, why did you just drive off the road? Have you been drinking?"

"No officer, it's this magic Dildo Penis. I can't get it to stop, and I keep having orgasms!"

"Dildo Penis, my ass!"
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Credit: H4L - Thanks Dude!

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Robmayn
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Post by Robmayn » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:54 pm

And if i say "Dildo Penis YOUR ass?" :lol:
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strawshake
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Post by strawshake » Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:03 pm

Robmayn wrote:And if i say "Dildo Penis YOUR ass?" :lol:
Why did you have to say that? Now I can't get the damn thing to stop. Great. Thanks a lot, Rob.

:lol:
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Credit: H4L - Thanks Dude!

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Post by Robmayn » Sat Oct 08, 2005 12:31 am

You are welcome! :lol:
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JBH
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Post by JBH » Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:29 pm

i could swear that londonchick posteed that story a while back.
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Dr_Vicious
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Post by Dr_Vicious » Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:22 am

<Toller> hey jaimer
<jaimer> hey
<Toller> i loves you sweet ass, baby
<jaimer> excuse me?
<Toller> we gonna get together an fuck tonight
<Toller> right?
<jaimer> You stupid shit
<Toller> ?
<Toller> What?
<jaimer> This is toby johnson, right
<Toller> you know it is, duh.
<jaimer> I'm doing tech support on Jamie's computer
<jaimer> I'm her father, you little shit
<Toller> hah!
<Toller> what's
<Toller> your joking right/
<jaimer> I am. I know where you live. I'm coming over to your house now. Don't try to run, I'll find you.
<Toller> Jamie, it's not funny
<Toller> Jaime?
<psmylie> You're screwed, dude. Her dad's psycho
<Toller> fuck
<Toller> Fuck!
<psmylie> best run, boy
*** Toller has quit IRC (Quit: )
<psmylie> You're an evil bitch, Jamie.
<jaimer> lol
<psmylie> brilliant... but evil
<jaimer> he's an asshole anyways
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Cobra_R
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Post by Cobra_R » Thu Oct 13, 2005 4:19 am

YTQ wrote:Gee.....after reading the title I thought it would be about H4L..........

Man that was gold.
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